THE ASHES

The Exodus Project has always been so much more than my latest creative pursuit. Quite frankly, among all the things it’s been, “mine” has never truly been among them. It may have been my mind that came up with the name, even my hands that continue to create within the name. I may have even thought at one point that it was to be the title of my life. Now, sitting here twenty-two days into 2017 having experienced one of the most joyful and yet utterly painful years of my life… it’s with a heavy heart that I realize that The Exodus Project has always been God’s way of trying to reach me. And I’ve been such a fool to think it was under my control. The Exodus Project is a lesson in obedience, dependence, and depravity. It’s a reforming of identity.

When the Israelites were rescued from Egypt their identity was more or less anchored in slavery. They were slaves, dying to build another man’s kingdom, forced to bow to something less than their creator. They were quick to place Pharaoh on a throne because of the perceived security it would bring and the lack of presence they felt from Yahweh. I have done no different. Placing primary relationships in the most sacred place of my heart has been the prominent habit of my existence, second only to breathing. And the collateral damage has been astronomical. The pain and hurt I’ve caused myself and others because of this misplaced identity and idolization of people is off the charts. Unmistakable. I shake my head now knowing how much could have been prevented had I seen this and changed sooner. Some of us only need a gentle tap, others need a swift smack from a 2×4. And guess what? I’m the latter.

So it’s with a slightly sarcastic yet humble tone that I say welcome. Welcome to The Exodus Project… one broken girl’s metaphorical concussion from God’s 2×4 called “Life”. My hope is that you’ll enjoy the outsider’s perspective of this wandering in the wilderness more than I’m enjoying the pain of this experience. If not, it’s okay. This is much more about my own processing than anything else.

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